For Nanay

Not too long ago, I realized that it's true that people who meet you at different points of your life are meeting and getting to know a completely different version of you.

Nanay Saning is my maternal grand mother. To me, she's always been the characterization of love and care (with a little bit of chaos on the side haha).

Nay, your passing has made me feel so heavy and it's as if my body could tell and it has manifested physically. I am also weighed down by regrets of all the things I wish I was able to do for you but didn't get to. For all of that, I'm sorry. 

I still vividly remember when you were in the hospital a few years ago and you lost your memories. The first time I visited you, I had to fight so hard to hold back my tears after Diko asked you who I am and you couldn't remember. It's even more painful now  that we wouldn't even see you or hear your voice anymore. But I take comfort in the fact that you will feel no pain now and there would be no more hardships. And for that I am grateful. 

Nay, I wish they have FPJ movies and a karaoke in the afterlife so you can still sing and let everyone there hear your beautiful voice. 

You see, Nanay has loved FPJs movies ever since. I've known that since I was a kid. She loved going to the cinema. So one time when I was in college, I was able to save a bit of money and I wanted to watch this one local movie. I decided to ask Nanay to go with me so I could treat her to a movie. I'm so glad we were able to do that then and then another time after that. I wish we were able to do it more.

But in true Nanay Saning fashion, here's something that happened during our first movie date. Before seeing the movie, we had a meal. I took her to the food court so there would be a lot of options. She decided to get a rice meal with viands. One of them was a vegetable dish. I can't remember if it was chopsuey or pinakbet, but she had a little bit left and she said she's already full. I told her we should just leave it since we need to go to the cinema already. But if you know my grandmother, she would NEVER agree to throwing away food. So what did she do? She wrapped it up and put it in her bag  but that's not even the best part! In the middle of watching the movie, she felt a bit hungry and decided to snack on that leftover vegetable dish inside the cinema. All I could do was shake my head and laugh. Classic Nanay.

I have a lot of memories with Nanay that involves food. When I was little, I was allergic to chicken and eggs. And I spent a lot of weekends over at her house and I loved it. Partly because Nanay would let me eat eggs. I didn't mind even if that would all be the ulam for the weekend haha!

There's so many little memories like that that I would always carry in my heart. Like that one night she brought boiled camote for me to our house. I couldn't eat it because I've already had dinner so I decided I'll bring it to work the next day. My officemates were so surprised with my baon they asked me multiple times if I'm on a diet. LOL

There's also that time when one of my  cousins brought jackfruit from the province. Nanay, knowing that I love jackfruit decided to bring half of it to our house for me. HALF OF A WHOLE ASS JACKFRUIT FOR MYSELF because none of my siblings really like it that much. Obviously, it was too much. Nanay refused to give it to others and decided she would cook it with sugar instead so it could last longer in the fridge. 

Nanay, thank you for everything. Thank you for your love and your care. Thank you for doing what you can for us when my mom passed away despite being told you don't have to. The countless times you would randomly show up at our house even at night and then stubbornly refuse to take the tricycle back home stressed and worried me but made me feel how much you worry and care about us too. Mahal kita, Nay. If you cross paths with mommy and daddy up there, please tell them I love them too.