Happy Birthday, Dad!

 It's that time of the year again. Every year, for a few years now, this time of the year always feels empty. Yes, it's my birthday month and some people are usually excited for their birthdays, but I haven't been excited for mine for almost a decade now.

Growing up, I only had a birthday party once. Maybe twice if you count my first birthday, which I obviously have no memory of. Every year since I was young, we would go on family outings for my birthday. We'd always go to a resort somewhere. And every year, ever since I can remember, it's my dad who has birthday parties. Although in reality, it's mostly just  drinking for my dad and his friends. lol But I didn't mind this. I remember I even liked  saying it's my birthday too because sometimes, my dad's friends including my ninongs would give me money as a birthday gift. And when I became old enough, my cousins and I would drink too.

If I remember correctly, the last time my dad celebrated his birthday was the same time when my cousins and I stayed up long enough to get breakfast the next day. It was also a night we'd probably never forget because of a pan and a broken bottle. I wish I knew that was the last. I would've done something to make it more special for my dad. I don't even remember anymore if I gave him a gift then. I hope I did.

Today, instead of adults drinking and birthday gifts, I made a visit to the cemetery. I went with my cousin whom I shared that memorable night with. I lit up candles, praying that wherever my dad is, he's happy and that he could drink there to celebrate too. I stayed for a couple of minutes wishing it doesn't start raining so the candles can burn until they run out until I started feeling raindrops and had to leave. It's been raining for the past week when it's supposed to be summer season. Oh how different the world have become, and so has life.