Why I Cried on my High School Graduation

 I was listening to the song  Ghost from Justin Bieber's new album, Justice and it made me miss my mom so much. I always miss her and my dad, but some days, I just miss them more than usual. The lines "I want you to know that if I can't be close to you, I settle for the ghost of you, I miss you more than life" rings so true to me. Hearing this lines took me back to one of my most precious memories with my mom--my high school graduation.

You see, I graduated high school in 2012. In the same year, just a few months after, my mom passed away on the day after my birthday, but that's for another story. On our graduation, only one parent was allowed to go. Of course, it was my mom who came with me. During that time, my mom was always experiencing severe back pains which turned out to be cancer metastasizing on her bones, but we didn't know that until a few weeks later. 

In the middle of the graduation ceremony, my mom sent a message to my friend because I didn't have a phone with me. She was telling me that she won't be able to finish the ceremony and she can't wait for me anymore because her back pain was getting so bad and she can't stay sitting down any longer. I cried a little then, but I told her it's okay. I was really sad that I won't see her there right after the ceremony, and I was thinking how I would be the only one without a parent or a guardian waiting for me after. But I knew how bad her back pains get and I didn't want her to just suffer there in pain. I understood.

After the ceremony, my classmates and I are walking to the area where the parents were seated. I was walking with my friend and we were going to find her mom because I knew my mom already went home. Or so I thought. Because a few meters away, I saw my mom standing there, next to my friend's mom, smiling at me. I started crying and walked faster to reach her and give her a hug. I remember asking her why she was still there and telling her that I thought she said she's going home already. I can't remember her exact reply, but it was something along the lines of her wanting to see me and not wanting me to not see anyone waiting for me after the ceremony.  I cried so hard. 

Every time I remember this memory, I can't help but cry. My mom's heart is amazing. I remember, another time I was reminded of this memory was my college graduation. It was when after the ceremony, no one was there in the hall for me and I had to just meet everyone in the car. I wished so hard then that my mom was there because I was sure, she would've waited for me. Even if that meant sitting there, enduring so much pain, she would've done that just so I would have someone waiting for me. It was one of the moments when I realized, no one is like my mom. 

As much as this memory makes me cry every time, I cherish it. It reminds me how great my mom loved and cared. It reminds me how much she was willing to endure and how strong she was. I always say this, but I can only wish to have her strength. I wish to be able to love and care as much as she did. Even a portion of those would be enough, I think.