Uncertainties

 I realized that it's November 1st today; and it felt weird. It's like the whole year went by in a blink of an eye, with everything moving so fast, yet so slow. So much has happened, but it feels like we're stuck. It feels like we're locked up and forced to keep moving within the confines of a small space. Like we're forced to keep going with the world that we don't really know anymore.

Few months ago, we were quite literally locked up in our homes. In those few months, it feels different every few weeks. One day you feel really inspired to use up all the extra time to do something productive, and a few days later you're feeling tired and lost. It became a cycle. And somehow, months later, I still feel stuck in that cycle. For some reason, there are days when I'd wake up feeling really drained. I realized, there's so much happening so fast and I just bottle everything up inside, again like I used to. And as much as pouring my emotions drains me, keeping them all in tires me just the same.

So this is me, trying to at least let go of a few drops to make space so it doesn't overflow. I don't even know where I'm going with this, but I'm hoping this helps. And if anyone reads this, I'm fine.This is just me putting it out there and admitting it to myself that the past few months took a toll on me too. I've decided to keep myself away from a few things that makes me feel worse, but it isn't out of hate. It is out of giving myself enough care to put myself first. I gave what I could, and I think that's enough. For a while now, I've accepted that I can't control everything and I can't make everything right. And that's okay. I've also learned that people will make their own decisions no matter the consequence and you have to let them. No matter how it hurts you, they have a right to make their own choices and so do you. And right now, my choice is to let go.

When I sat down to write this, I was thinking of how uncertainties are scary, hence the title. And it really is. It's frightening to not know what the future holds, to not know what tomorrow would bring, but at the end of the day, that's how life is. We just need to ride the waves. You'll fall many times, probably even drown at one point, but the point is how you emerge and put your head above water and continue to breathe. The world keeps spinning, and we'll roll with it.