Writing and Feelings

Recently, someone asked me if I write. Apparently, the way I converse made them assume that I do. I said yes, but not without hesitation, because once again, I haven't written in months. At the beginning of this year, I said I'll go back to writing, and even reading. Truth is, until now, I haven't even touched a book, and it took me more than a month again to write another blog post. Once again, life happened and I wanted to focus on a certain thing. I'm happy about that, but I still can't help but feel guilty about not being able to be consistent with this. I just hope that as the time goes, I'd learn to balance everything.

Apart from focusing on something else, it's definitely the lack of inspiration once again. My feelings are everywhere and I don't know what to feel anymore. But when someone asked me if I write, I thought, why not just write whatever? No one would say anything anyway. So here I am, just writing whatever. And here's something I wrote a few months ago. One of the many feelings I've been feeling these past few months.

Photo grabbed from Pinterest

I remember, when I was little
It was hard for me to sleep in a different house.
It always has to be on my bed, in our home
Even sleepovers at a cousin's place would end up with me
        getting picked up by my parents
or my cousins taking me home
And I always need at least two pillows
Including my favorite one--
--that magic pillow my parents bought for me when I was six or seven
Then, I grew up.

When I was in high school, sleep overs became more of a thing
But we rarely actually sleep
We usually stay up to rush a project, prepare for early morning porgrams
           or talk about anything
Then, things happened.

I grew older, and some things will just never be the same.
There are times when it's so hard for me to sleep at night
But I can fall asleep just about anywhere on other times
Some days, I cry myself to sleep
Some days, I want to cry because I can't sleep
Now, it's even worse.
Or is it actually better?

It's still hard for me to fall asleep
At the same time, I can sleep anywhere
Even in the middle of nowhere.
A lot is changing
I don't care anymore if I'm constantly moving.
And I can sleep with just one pillow--
--even if it's not my favorite
But I still stay up 'til the middle of the night
Praying that in the future,
         I'll feel the comfort of being at home again.
Because right now, even home doesn't feel like home.